Coping with life’s stressors isn’t always easy to do alone. However, not all therapeutic relationships work out for the best, leaving clients questioning whether or not they should terminate their therapy sessions. 

“People’s goals for therapy sometimes change, and therapy might not always end up meeting those goals,” said Catherine Eubanks, an associate professor of clinical psychology at Yeshiva University and an expert in therapeutic relationships. 

If you’re considering ending your relationship with your therapist, it can be important to recognize the signs when the relationship is no longer in your best interest. Doing so can then allow clients to explore appropriate ways to end the relationship with mutual understanding. 

“Therapy is 45 minutes of your life every single week with the same person who knows such intimate information about you and your experiences,” said Marissa Robinson, a psychotherapist from myTherapyNYC. “You want to leave that in a closed way that feels emotionally connected with the therapist that went on this journey with you.”

In psychology, a therapist-client relationship is called a working alliance, Eubanks explained. According to research about therapeutic relationships from the American Psychological Association, key components of a healthy working alliance include:

The report also noted that it’s important for therapists to express their feelings when appropriate. However, according to Eubanks, clients should not be made to feel unsafe, criticized, judged, unheard or belittled. 

Robinson echoed this sentiment noting that no good progress is made unless there is a strong, trusting and collaborative therapeutic relationship. 

Sometimes, a therapeutic relationship doesn’t work out because a therapist is not the right fit. In other instances, a client may have outgrown the relationship, or it didn’t achieve the desired goals. Eubanks said this is called an “alliance rupture.”

“Ruptures can be opportunities to really learn something valuable about ourselves. It gives us a chance to handle relationship difficulty in a different way,” she said.

But even when ruptures occur, clients can take a more measured approach to addressing the situation. It’s important for clients to remember that a healthy therapeutic relationship should feel like the process is helping them, Eubanks said. 

When gauging whether or not to end a relationship with a therapist, clients can consider the following questions: 

“Knowing this information about yourself can help guide your future decisions about therapy and what works for you,” Eubanks said. 

Ending a therapeutic relationship can be a tricky space to navigate, considering that it’s both an inherently intimate and professional relationship. Before deciding to terminate sessions, clients can consider whether repairing the relationship is possible and whether goals should be re-evaluated or improved upon. 

Eubanks and Robinson offered guidance on how to evaluate whether to end or repair an alliance.

It may seem daunting to start over and find a new therapist. However, clients can reflect on what they have learned from their previous experience to help identify what they need. 

“If you seek out another therapist, you should ask yourself if you are able to spot the warning signs that you’ve learned from your previous one,” Eubanks said. “Evaluate what works for you and what doesn’t. This way you can really gain something from a challenging experience.”

Eubanks said it’s important to be able to do two things:

Robinson emphasized the importance of going “therapist shopping.” Clients can schedule a first-time introductory session with more than one person to get a sense of what they are like. They can make it known to each therapist that they are trying to determine fit so that therapists know they aren’t committing yet. 

“Every therapist you meet might not be a good match for you,” she said. “It’s okay to not find that perfect fit on the first try.”

She also pointed out that the first meetings are usually when a therapist is simply learning information about the client and what they are looking for, which may not give the client the most accurate picture of the therapist’s style. Having questions prepared for a potential new therapist may be helpful for clients.

After choosing a new therapist, clients should set expectations with them and explain their concerns and what they would like to avoid happening again, according to Eubanks. Routine check-ins about how the process is working can also be helpful.

“You really want somebody who’s going to help create a space to be open and thoughtful and reflective and appreciate how relationships are complicated,” Eubanks said. 

Terminating a relationship with a therapist and finding a new one can be challenging, so it’s important to remember to be patient during this time. 

“It’s really not an easy task to find a therapist, to shop, to terminate. It’s a lot of time, effort, money, and it’s hard,” Robinson said. “Show yourself compassion and create space for the process.”

Clients may be able to find a new therapist through referrals and recommendations from people they know, Eubanks said. However, for people who want to start from scratch, here are resources to help guide their therapist shopping. 

Information on OnlineCounselingPrograms.com is not intended to be a substitute for professional counseling advice. Always consult qualified professionals with any questions you may have about mental and behavioral health-related issues.

If you and your partner are constantly arguing about finances, your problems could run deeper than an overdue power bill or an expensive restaurant meal. Conflicts about debt, purchases and other money problems may indicate relationship issues that need to be addressed sooner rather than later.

“For couples, the hardest thing to talk about is sex and finances, and that’s because our parents didn’t talk about it when we were growing up,” said Jordie Smith, licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and owner of Jordie Smith Counseling, LLC in Canton, Michigan. Having conversations about money with a romantic partner is important for developing and maintaining lasting and healthy relationships, she said. 

“When you are in a relationship, you want to be safe with that person,” Smith said. “When you have some outside factors that aren’t addressed, that threatens the safety.” 

Being transparent and open to discussions about spending and saving keeps relationships strong and prevents financial infidelity—when a partner hides debt or purchases. Those unpleasant surprises do not help build relationships, she said.

Online Counseling Programs has rounded up resources for couples to help them understand why money should not be a taboo topic and how to consider finances at different stages in their relationship.

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Before the commitment stage of a relationship, couples should discuss money in the same way that they talk about their work, their friends and their families, Smith said. 

“Oftentimes, we will ask how your relationship was with your mom or your sister, but we don’t talk about our relationship with finances,” she said.

As individuals grow closer, those conversations should begin to touch on subjects such as their philosophy toward money and their spending habits. 

When people commit to a relationship, they should continue to engage in productive financial conversations. Smith offered strategies to help facilitate the discussions:

Finding ways to approach the subject of money may require sensitivity, but transparency encourages trust. Relationships require trust and effort, Smith said. She offered tips for partners to use when they are having the difficult conversations: 

Use the Speaker-Listener method. This facilitates active listening. By allowing one person to speak at a time while the other listens and confirms what they heard before responding, the process slows down to a more thoughtful interaction.

Use “I” language. Blame does not get assigned to the other person when starting the conversation with “I feel” or “I get stressed out.”

Move the discussion forward. Dwelling on the problem is not helpful and potentially continues a blaming cycle. Acknowledge it, and then discuss common goals to reach resolution.

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As couples mature, their relationships change. Their money needs may evolve as expenses are affected by moving to new locations for jobs, unexpected medical costs or a growing family. The money conversations should continue at every stage.  

Because being in a new relationship can be exciting and distracting, couples might overlook the importance of talking about finances and/or money problems. Smith said that having those discussions is essential to avoiding future misunderstandings.

“If I value ‘high’ in clothing and my partner doesn’t, that might be an issue. We want to think (and talk) about what are some of these values when we’re having conversations so that we have clear expectations,” she added. 

To ease into the subject of finances, ask conversationally, “Do you like to keep up with the latest fashion trends or tech gadgets?” or “If you had more money, what would you spend it on?”. Smith said that once you’ve opened the door to the subject of spending, you can start asking important questions.

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Purchasing a home is another kind of commitment that requires careful consideration, Smith said. Being homeowners requires resources beyond money. Couples may have to put time into any desired upgrades or modifications, including researching, hiring and dealing with contractors.

Couples should not feel like they have to do everything by themselves. “If there’s an issue, there’s usually someone who specializes in it,” Smith said. “People just aren’t always aware of what’s available.” 

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When couples start planning a family, they must budget for the obvious expenses: medical, food, clothing, supplies and more. Children’s needs have to be addressed.

“It always feels like there’s never enough money for children, and there’s always something else that we could spend or be saving toward,” Smith said.

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For people who have the resources to plan ahead, Smith said that conversations about what retirement looks like for each partner can happen even in the early stages of a relationship. Retirement should be part of overall discussions about goals that happen regularly.

Couples should share their vision of retirement and discuss ways to accomplish that goal. Do they see themselves lounging on a beach or enjoying the pace of a small town? 

Smith acknowledged that retirement planning can be a matter of privilege because saving can be difficult for many people.

“Sometimes people are just struggling and can’t think far enough toward retirement,” she said. 

“If you can’t think that far ahead, that’s OK,” she added. “For some people, it’s about thinking about how to save a little bit just for a rainy day fund right now.”

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Financial difficulties don’t always have easy answers. Sometimes couples need to seek help from a counselor, therapist or financial expert. 

“Typically, intuition will tell us that we don’t like the situation and that we should reach out,” Smith said.

Screaming, withdrawal, avoidance or anything that a partner’s instincts tell them is wrong is worthy of attention because of the effects on the relationship. 

“Once we start seeing changes that may not feel healthy to us, it never hurts to reach out for help,” Smith said.

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Information on OnlineCounselingPrograms.com is not intended to be a substitute for professional counseling advice. Always consult qualified professionals with any questions you may have about mental and behavioral health-related issues.

In the age of social media and mixed-messages about how girls are supposed to look, act and learn, girls can face significant self-esteem issues during adolescence—a crucial period for forming and developing one’s identity, according to the Child Mind Institute. 

Even within the few years of adolescence, messaging and appropriate strategies can vary widely depending on girls’ ages.

View the available resources that are geared toward unique age groups using the links below: 

The following resources are for informational purposes only; individuals should consult with a clinician before making decisions about mental health.

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But, while artmaking does have therapeutic benefits, it’s important to distinguish it from art therapy. Taking artmaking a step further, art therapy emphasizes processing emotions with a credentialed art therapist through the experience of artmaking.

“I view my role as walking alongside each client to support their individual process and witnessing their artwork is part of that process,” said Lauren Schlenger, an art therapist from Sunstone Counseling in Virginia. “It feels so powerful to be trusted enough to sit with someone while they create and to offer an experience where clients may feel a sense of validation, relief or freedom in the art they make.”

Art therapy can be uniquely tailored to fit the specific experiences of each individual. By participating in the journey of art therapy, clients may be able to better understand themselves in a non-threatening and, sometimes, less invasive way that harnesses their creativity through engaging in emotional processing.

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The AATA defines art therapy as “an integrative mental health and human services profession that enriches lives through active art-making, creative process, applied psychological theory, and human experience within a psychotherapeutic relationship.”

This form of therapy is a regulated mental health profession facilitated by a credentialed art therapist who is specifically trained to use art interventions and the creative process to work with individuals on their needs or issues that they seek to address. While relaxing and soothing, artmaking for self-care lacks the psychological component connected to a treatment plan or set of goals the art therapist is working on with the client.

“When you’ve created an image or piece of art, you can find meaning through the artmaking process and be better able to tie that into experiences you’ve had,” Schlenger said.

“Art therapy offers a way for someone to express aspects of themselves without relying on words,” said Gretchen Miller, an art therapist in Cleveland and AATA board member. “It transcends verbal language, and for some people that can be very non-threatening and safe because they don’t have to talk about certain experiences or emotions that are very difficult to put into words.”

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According to Schlenger, an art therapy session may include time for verbal sharing, time for more concentrated artmaking to allow clients to get into the flow of their artmaking process, and then time to verbally process what the artmaking experience was like and what it meant to them.

“My role isn’t to interpret client artwork but rather to encourage clients to share their personal experience and the meaning they made or discovered when creating,” she said. “When processing the artwork, we may also notice and explore elements of the artwork together to uncover how it connects with their thoughts, feelings and experiences.”

Components That Can Be Included in Art Therapy Sessions

AN INITIAL CHECK-IN TO BUILD RAPPORT

An art therapist may ask questions like, “What do you want to talk about in the session?,” “What have you been experiencing this week?” and “Do you have any goals for art therapy that you want to accomplish?” These questions allow the client to reflect on and understand what emotions are present.

AN OPPORTUNITY FOR PLAY AND EXPLORATION WITH DIFFERENT ART MEDIUMS

Art therapy is not constrained to drawing or painting. It can include sewing, knitting, cooking, collaging, creative writing, scrapbooking, digital artmaking, sculpting and photography. Schlenger says having openness is part of the creative process, and clients should engage with different materials that may enable them to better express themselves through art.

INITIATION OF AN ARTMAKING ACTIVITY

According to Schlenger, the art therapist can take a directive approach with clients in a session, suggesting a specific art activity, or a non-directive approach, leaving it up to the client to decide what to make. It depends on whether the client wants structure.

PROCESSING OF EMOTIONS THROUGH MINDFULNESS

Mindfulness is a critical part of art therapy. As clients are creating the art, the art therapist guides them through self-reflection and encourages self-awareness about their feelings. The process allows clients to recognize and identify their feelings, sit with and absorb them, and eventually develop new insight based on observing what they felt.

ACTIVE DISCUSSION WITH THE THERAPIST

A session does not have to be silent during the artmaking process. The importance lies in processing the emotions and connecting that experience to your art. In fact, Schlenger says that talking through emotions out loud throughout the artmaking process can help to increase the comfort within the session.

The goal of the session is to reflect on and understand the art that they have made in order to better understand and manage feelings moving forward.

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“It can be scary to explore issues about yourself in real life outside the art room, so art therapy offers the opportunity to safely practice things like taking risks through your art,” Miller said.

The experience of art therapy engages clients in the decision-making process, prompting them with questions like what to draw or which colors to use, which in turn enhances their ability to problem solve and apply that knowledge to real life. It can also help clients think through new possibilities and ways of addressing problems, helping them see a future beyond the present moment, which may be clouded by negative emotions.

According to a 2020 article on expressive arts therapy in Psychology Today, the practice can help clients dissociate from anxiety, trauma and fear, supporting emotional self-regulation and better enabling them to respond to stress. Miller teaches her clients specific tools or strategies in the artmaking process that help regulate and express emotions by taking what’s internal and making it visible.

“It’s about taking those emotions building up inside someone and being able to put that out there, which in turn empowers clients to explore that more or do something with that emotion in a way that will lead to growth or resolution,” Miller said.

According to Schlenger, art therapy is also useful in uncovering hidden traumas.

“Sometimes what’s expressed in the art can bring up unconscious feelings,” she said, which clients may need help working up the courage to talk through. “It’s not just the process of creating and talking about it but the process of creating by itself.”

Questions To Consider Before Engaging in Art Therapy

How do you prefer to express your experiences, feelings and thoughts? Miller emphasized that it’s important for people to consider whether it’s easier to express themselves through images or words.

How do you respond to creating art? If you observe yourself experiencing an intense reaction, either negative or positive, during the process of creating art, consider tapping into that reaction with an art therapist.

Do you have a history of pre-verbal trauma? The sensory-based component of art therapy can help you express feelings without words, so you don’t have to rely on speaking and using language if that is too difficult or triggering.

For those who are nervous about seeking art therapy treatment, creating art can still be a form of self-care. Taking a moment for yourself to get out of your head and engage in something that gives you enjoyment can help reduce stress and enhance emotional regulation, Miller pointed out.

“Whether your mind is anxiously wandering about the future or regretfully ruminating on things in the past you can’t change, art is there to slow you down,” she said. “It helps you practice being content with and present in the moment, which demonstrates to you what that feels like and allows you to be able to transfer that to other situations in order to cope.

For those using artmaking as a means to relax, Miller suggests engaging in rhythmic activities, such as doodling, knitting, crocheting or meditative drawing.

“That repetitive pattern of doing that over and over again can help calm your thoughts and re-establish a connection with yourself and your own self-care,” she said.

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One benefit of art therapy is that clients do not need to be an artist to reap the benefits of artmaking in a therapeutic environment. This can connect well with teens, who are still developing mentally and physically.

“Developmentally, teens are trying to make sense of their own identity and values,” Miller said. “They’re thinking about how they’re feeling in their relationships with peers, family and the world.”

One benefit of art therapy is that clients do not need to be an artist to reap the benefits of artmaking in a therapeutic environment.

According to a study on art therapy for adolescents in the Western Journal of Medicine,  teens and young adults can benefit from art therapy because it’s a non-threatening way to express their inner thoughts and still receive support. Distressed teens may not trust adults in their lives to help them. In cases of abuse, for example, teens may feel embarrassed to reveal details or fear putting themselves at risk. They can use art to express their emotions and feelings visually.

“When I work with teenage clients, there can be that discomfort of going to therapy, but I try to normalize it and talk about it as a healthy way to express yourself,” Schlenger said.

From Miller’s experience, art therapy group work for teens can be highly beneficial because they’re learning how to relate with peers their age. Being in a group with other teens who are also experiencing similar issues can help to create a sense of belonging and support while alleviating isolation.

Miller believes that art therapy can help teens achieve a sense of self-awareness and clarity around their strengths, values and beliefs, which better positions them to understand their struggles and cope.

“Creativity is a huge strength of teens at this time, so they can really tap into the art therapy session with that and explore different things happening in their lives,” Miller said.

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American Art Therapy Association: An organization that advocates for accessible art therapy and advances art therapy as a regulated mental health profession.

American Art Therapy Association Art Therapist Locator: This is a geographical directory of credentialed art therapists.

Art Therapy Credentials Board:  Provides additional information on credentials.

International Expressive Arts Therapy Association:  An organization that supports art therapists’ work in an inclusive and culturally diverse way.

Art Therapy Without Borders:  An organization that promotes art therapy and art therapy research in mental health, educates others on art therapy and develops art therapy programs.

The Art Therapy Alliance:  An organization that uses social media to promote and advance art therapy and the work of art therapists and seeks to build community.

Remote Art Therapy Resources:  A list of art therapy resources during coronavirus provided by Children’s National Hospital in response to the pandemic.

Art Therapy in Action: Adolescents, AATA: An informational video on the beneficial relationship that adolescents can have with art therapy.

Thirsty For Art:  An art therapist who posts resources on art therapy on Instagram  and YouTube.

Self-Exercises: These videos separate self-guided art therapy exercises by depression,  anxiety,  stress management  and emotional pain/healing.

5 Tips for When You Can’t Draw Your Feelings:  A video on how to work around a creative block.

Resources Folder:  List of resources such as podcasts, books and groups about art therapy and art therapy education.

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Information on OnlineCounselingPrograms.com is not intended to be a substitute for professional counseling advice. Always consult qualified professionals with any questions you may have about mental and behavioral health-related issues.

One way to ease that apprehension is to learn about others’ experiences in counseling and to listen to professionals on podcasts. To help couples begin to understand the benefits of seeing a therapist, OnlineCounselingPrograms.com collected 25 podcasts related to marriage therapy and couples counseling that tackle everything from conflict resolution to cross-cultural relationships.

*Note: Podcasts are for informational purposes and not substitutes for therapy.

Anatomy of Marriage

Hosts: Seth Sudley, licensed marriage and family therapist, and Melanie Sudley, podcast producer

Episode length: 30-60 minutes

Seth and Melanie host expert guests on topics ranging from neurobiology to selfishness/negative emotions and produce episodes that address listener questions on topics including sexual intimacy and in-laws.

Couples Synergy

Hosts: Dr. Ray Kadkhodaian, licensed clinical professional counselor and founder of The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center, and Jean Kadkhodaian, family therapist and founder of The Lighthouse Emotional Wellness Center

Episode length: 30 minutes

Dr. Ray and Jean touch on common subjects couples deal with such as stress, parenting and finances, but also feature episodes on unique topics such as how sex in media impacts young dating couples, how nutritional health affects relationships, and if couples are still married in heaven.

Empowered Marriage Podcast

Host: Helen Harrison, couples’ counselor, relationship coach, and psychotherapist

Episode length: 15-25 minutes

Helen’s episode topics include maintaining your identity in marriage, encouraging your partner to express emotion, and building a relationship with kids.

Gay Therapy LA with Ken Howard

Host: Ken Howard, licensed clinical social worker and founder and director of GayTherapyLA

Episode length: 15-45 minutes

Ken, who works with clients worldwide and has specialized in therapy for gay men and gay male couples for more than 27 years, frequently features guests to discuss topics such as ghosting, cheating, open relationships, and appearance privilege.

Growth Marriage 

Host: Nate Bagley, relationship researcher and writer

Episode length: 10-60 minutes

Nate shares his experiences and interviews couples, expert counselors and researchers about how to achieve what he calls legendary love in episodes that focus on staying connected, approaching conflict, and setting boundaries.

Hitched 

Host: Steve Cooper, editor of Hitchedmag.com

Episode length: 20-35 minutes

Steve and his weekly guests, including psychologists and relationship experts, discuss such topics as marriage meetings, extended time spent apart, and the different views partners can have on household chores.

How to Save Your Marriage 

Host: Nicola Beer, counselor, life coach, and hypnotherapist

Episode length: 15-30 minutes

Nicola, who has clients worldwide, covers topics affecting relationships such as gaming addiction, blended families, empty nest syndrome, privacy, and micro cheating.

I Do Podcast, AKA Relationship Advice

Hosts: Chase Kosterlitz, a professional stand-up paddler, and Sarah Kosterlitz, a marketing consultant

Episode length: 45-60 minutes

Chase and Sarah interview relationship counselors, therapists and coaches who provide tips on strengthening connections and discuss sensitive topics, including finances, non-monogamous relationships, and ways to keep the sexual sparks flying.

Insideout Conversations

Host: Lisa Lackey, licensed clinician, therapist, and co-founder of Insideout Living Inc.

Episode length: 15-55 minutes

Lisa covers a variety of topics, including betrayal, boundaries, and conflict, exploring how one’s experiences growing up can shape how people relate to each other and overcome challenges.

The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast

Host: Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, founder and clinical director of Growing Self Counseling and Coaching

Episode length: 20-60 minutes

Dr. Lisa delves into topics such as cultivating your emotional intelligence, decluttering your life, being a part of a cross-cultural relationship, and dealing with an ex.

The Marriage Podcast for Smart People, AKA Only You Forever

Hosts: Caleb Simonyi-Gindele, a clinical counselor and marriage therapist, and Verlynda Simonyi-Gindele, a podcaster and travel coordinator

Episode length: 20-50 minutes

This series is meant for busy couples and covers topics such as the effects of shift work on couples, the impact of prayer on relationships, and the consequences of male privilege in marriage.

Marriage Talk Podcast 

Hosts: Terry and Sandy Lodico, licensed professional counselors with Covenant Counseling LLC, and Bill Hobson, veteran broadcaster

Episode length: 25-45 minutes

Terry and Sandy emphasize Christian values in their counseling, which is reflected in episodes that reference scripture as it applies to topics such as overcoming cultural chaos that promotes a selfish tendency and thriving during challenging times.

Marriage Therapy Radio 

Hosts: Couples’ therapists Zach Brittle and Laura Heck

Episode length: 20-45 minutes

Zack and Laura, who are married but not to each other, help couples find relief, deeper connection, and new ways forward in friendly conversations covering questions such as how selfishness and self-care are different and what are sacred spaces in relationships.

My Therapy in a Box

Hosts: Marcus D. Porter, photographer and business owner, and Courtney Porter, photographer, business owner, and licensed clinical social worker

Episode length: 30 minutes

This podcast is not focused on marriage and couples, but episodes have covered relevant topics such as healthy boundaries in relationships, challenges of supporting an entrepreneur spouse, and anxiety and depression caused by the fear of missing out.

One Extraordinary Marriage Show

Hosts: Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, relationship coaches and co-authors of “Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Intimacy in Your Marriage”

Episode length: 30 minutes

This couple leads episodes focused on intimacy inside and outside the bedroom, covering a broad range of topics from spiritual intimacy to political differences.

The Premarital Bliss Podcast

Host: Mayi Dixon, licensed professional counselor

Episode length: 5-44 minutes

Mayi’s episodes combine topics ranging from planning your marriage to lying by omission with some episodes featuring guests such as Joel and Naomi Mitchel, aka the Marriage Investors, and life coach and pastor Charles Houston.

Q Marriage Mentors

Host: Jeff Lutes, licensed professional counselor

Episode length: 15-35 minutes

Jeff has candid conversations with LGBTQ couples about how they met and how to make great relationships work. Episodes include themes about feeling empathy, managing stress, and focusing on the positive.

Ready Set Love

Host: John Howard, couples’ therapist

Episode length: 20-80 minutes

John’s podcast features conversations with experts on subjects such as toxic masculinity, attachment, narcissism and vulnerability.

Relationship Dish 

Hosts: Registered clinical counselors Iona Monk and Pam Stewart

Episode length: 25-60 minutes with several “appetizer” episodes of 2 minutes or less

Iona and Pam reduce the stigma of discussing relationship problems and get candid about their own relationships with their husbands and families, sharing experiences with narcissism, addiction, hypochondria and self-regulation.

Sex with Emily 

Host: Emily Morse, former guest co-host of the Loveline Radio Show

Episode length: 30-60 minutes

Episodes sometimes feature expert guests and cover topics such as bisexuality, sex in challenging times, shame around sexual expectations, and the effects of technology on sexual relationships.

Swoon Podcast: Love Lessons from Gina and Julie

Hosts: Gina Senarighi, sex therapist and relationship coach, and Julie Jeske, individual and couples’ counselor

Episode length: 20-45 minutes

Julie and Gina break down what partners need to know about sex and relationships, discussing topics such as navigating mismatched sexual desires, staying connected after having kids, and initiating sex.\

That Relationship Show

Hosts: Seacoast EFT founders Naomi Rather, licensed clinical mental health counselor, and Deborah Curtis, licensed and independent clinical social worker

Episode length: 30-90 minutes

Naomi and Deborah reference their background in Emotional Focused Couples Therapy in their podcast, which explores how relationships can be affected by issues like triggers, military service, technology, and the effects of emotional neglect as a child.

The Virtual Couch

Host: Tony Overbay, marriage and family therapist

Episode length: 30-90 minutes

Tony’s podcast features many episodes addressing issues that affect partners such as practicing empathy, avoiding drama, navigating a faith crisis, and recognizing the rawness in relationships.\

We Heart Therapy

Host: Annabelle Bugatti, couples’ counselor and therapist

Episode length: 15-60 minutes

Annabelle talks about how to have successful relationships and improve your life with emphasis on Emotionally Focused Therapy in episodes revolving around competing attachments, helping couples who want to break up, and re-engaging sexual desires.

Where Should We Begin?

Host: Esther Perel, psychotherapist and consultant on the Showtime series “The Affair”

Episode length: 45-50 minutes

Conversations are often raw and emotional in each episode, featuring a different couple in therapy sessions sharing their very personal challenges that may touch on topics related to loss, infidelity, emotional exhaustion, and post-divorce co-parenting.

Are you interested in counseling couples through relationship issues? Learn more about what a master’s in marriage and family therapy can offer.

Family life can be chaotic. A crisis adds another layer of logistics to the already complicated lives of parents, guardians and children.

The coronavirus pandemic, for example, has parents wondering if their children can safely play outside, if kids next door can come for a visit, and if they should be wearing masks. For parents who are separated or divorced, answering these questions can be even harder.

How can parents sharing child custody prepare for and respond to a crisis?

A crisis can hit families at various points in the separation process. Parents may be divorced, in the process of getting divorced, or living together but planning to separate. If their state court has to postpone hearing dates or close entirely, the family may be stuck in a particular phase for some time.

Families may find themselves in the following three scenarios:

A crisis can also lead to a rise in domestic violence. Since the pandemic began, Stubbs has personally seen an uptick in calls related to domestic violence in her own jurisdiction. Even though police reports of domestic abuse have fallen in major cities across the country, actual violence may be increasing as families are forced inside together.  Stay-at-home orders and unemployment may make victims less likely (or less able) to seek help.

If you or somebody you know is experiencing domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline  by calling 1-800-787-3224, texting LOVEIS to 22522, or visiting the thehotline.org to speak with trained advocate.

Jennifer Joyner-Hall, PsyD, a psychologist and parenting coordinator, encourages parents to consider their children first.

“Parents really have to figure out what the best interests of their children are and figure out how to trust their partner in co-parenting so that the kids can have success,” she said.

For those with shared custody, the first step in preparing for or responding to a crisis is creating a parenting plan that allows both parents to have time with the child or children. For families currently in crisis, the plan needs to work in the present moment, at least until the legal custody process can be completed.

Stubbs counsels parents to take the initiative to work a crisis custody agreement out themselves, if at all possible.

“Don’t incur legal fees,” she said, adding that during the current pandemic, “kids are already under enough emotional stress, and they sense it when their parents are fighting all the time.”

Memel, the specialist in marriage and family therapy, noted that parents can make better decisions in crisis scenarios for their children because they know them and understand the conditions in which they thrive. A judge probably does not.

When a crisis rocks a family’s life, the parents are often the ones who must set things back in order. Recreating stability for children at home can be exhausting—especially if the world outside continues to be unstable. Investing in self-care and redirecting unhealthy thoughts can help parents endure a crisis, even one that lingers.

Consider individual counseling or marriage and family therapy.

Support from a mental health professional can help with managing anxiety or overwhelming emotions. Working these out as an individual can set parents up to better care for their families.

Acknowledge the uncertainty.

A crisis can throw plans into confusion, and this can be frustrating and discouraging for parents. Simply recognizing this reality can offer some relief.

Be graceful with yourself and your kids.

Times of crisis are challenging for everyone.

“There is this huge emotional undercurrent going on underneath,” Joyner-Hall said.

Practice having compassion for the varied, sometimes unexpected ways these emotions affect each member of the family.

Try not to compare your family to others.

“We beat ourselves up for not doing what we think is right,” Joyner-Hall said.

But remember: each household’s plan will look different depending on schedules, parental availability and the kids.

Look at small chunks of time.

Instead of wondering how to handle the entire school year, try asking: “How do I want this month to look?”

During a crisis, state courts, which handle divorce and child custody claims, may be forced to postpone hearing dates. Parents may be unable to access the legal routes typically available for resolving disputes and solidifying agreements.

The legal options available will differ by state, and legal counseling should always be sought from professionals who can provide guidance tailored to the family and their geographic area.

The following options for creating temporary agreements that last until the courts resume full operations or revising custody agreements and parenting plans during crises may be available to families in some states.

The coronavirus pandemic has proven particularly challenging for parents with shared custody of their children. But Stubbs, Memel and Joyner-Hall all have witnessed couples coming together to provide physical and emotional safety for their families during this time.

“Really, the majority of people do that,” Stubbs said. “But there are enough that don’t that I still am really busy with that percentage.”

This article is for informational purposes only. For legal advice, please seek the counsel of a legal professional.

Are you interested in counseling families? Learn more about what a master’s in marriage and family therapy can offer.

“We don’t necessarily know which students in our classrooms and our schools have experienced trauma and which of those students are then also affected by that to the extent that it impacts their experience in school,” said Brian Cavanaugh, EdD, assistant professor of special education at University of Maine at Farmington.

Most children will return to baseline functioning, the APA reports. But some, including those who experience repeated trauma or don’t receive necessary treatment, can develop persistent reactions that affect their daily lives, called child traumatic stress. National Child Traumatic Stress Network reports that this form of stress can negatively affect a child’s physical health, their ability to form relationships, their ability to emotionally self-regulate and their development, leading to academic difficulties and behavioral problems in school. These children who experience traumatic events may constantly operate in a survival mode mindset (PDF, 3.5 MB), the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges explains. Reminders of those traumas, often called triggers, can set off emotional responses for years to come.

“When you have environments that are inconsistent, that may be less safe, whether it’s emotionally or physically, that can certainly contribute to kind of triggering some of the challenges that somebody who’s been traumatized might experience,” Cavanaugh said.

According to NCJFCJ, triggers in the classroom can include:

For people who frequently work with children, like school counselors, educators and other school staff, mitigating the effects of trauma requires being mindful about the role that environment can play.

“You might not always know what those triggers are, so I emphasize that educators should design environments where you can avoid those triggering situations,” Cavanaugh said.

Cavanaugh says that a trauma-informed classroom maximizes design to ensure:

Predictability

Safety

Positivity

Consistency

How does this translate into actual design ideas?

Ileen Henderson was the National Director of the Bright Spaces program for the Bright Horizons Foundation for Children, a nonprofit dedicated to improving the lives of children and families in crisis. Bright Spaces are safe spaces in homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters and other agencies created for children affected by trauma to grow and heal.

“Cool down” or “peace corners” are also a design element that educators may want to incorporate into their classrooms. Edutopia recently highlighted how Fall-Hill Elementary School in Nashville uses peace corners to help students manage their emotions when they begin to become stressed, frustrated or angry.

Features of the peace corner include:

Design is just one way that schools can respond to the needs of students who experience trauma.

As NCTSN explains, a trauma-informed school system (PDF, 987 KB) does the following:

School counselors can improve the overall school system by also employing trauma-informed practice. This includes identifying students who may show signs of trauma; educating staff, families and students about the effects of trauma; and implementing positive behavioral interventions that improve social and emotional learning, as described in the position statement of the American School Counselor Association.

“For some kids that have experienced trauma, that might manifest itself through behavior,” Cavanaugh said. “To the extent that we can support more positive, more effective behaviors in school, that’s really critical.”

However, in an article for the Child Mind Institute, psychiatrist Nancy Rappaport, MD, explains that it’s also important to recognize that children and adolescents who experienced trauma may have difficulty trusting adults, particularly if other adults contributed to that traumatic event in some form.

“These kids don’t have the context to ask for help,” says Rappaport, who is also a school consultant and associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “They don’t have a model for an adult recognizing their needs and giving them what they need.”

Design is just one way that schools can respond to the needs of students who experience trauma.

In those situations, school counselors and other school staff should cultivate relationships by offering support in an affirming way. Rappaport says to first work with students on acknowledging and identifying emotions. Understanding that a school counselor or other staff member “gets it” will enable students to more appropriately express their emotions.

“The more you know about the student the better, which again goes back to those relationships,” Cavanaugh added, “If you have that relationship with the family, with the community, with the student, you’re more likely to understand what some of those triggers may be.”

Are you interested in working with student populations? Learn how to become a school counselor.

The article is for informational purposes. If a child is experiencing signs of trauma, please consult a medical professional or mental health practitioner.

Third-culture kids (TCKs) are defined  as “children who are raised in a country other than their parents’ for a significant portion of their developmental years.” This may include the children of diplomats, international businesspeople, missionaries, foreign aid workers and military personnel. These children experience a uniquely nomadic and international upbringing hallmarked by transitions that can uproot their lives.

“The idea of ‘third culture’ is relatively abstract when people usually want to define cultures in traditional terms of religion and country,” said Ann Baker Cottrell, a retired sociology professor at San Diego State University and TCK expert.

Cottrell says that TCKs experience a culture of in-betweenness not everyone can relate to.

For example, an immigrant might feel uncertain and in between cultures when they move, but they recognize that they’re settling into a new place and are expected to adjust to their new culture.

“A TCK, on the other hand, is not always expected to assimilate because they’re going to go back home,” Cottrell said. “But even returning to their home country may feel foreign to them if they’ve spent a significant portion of their childhood overseas, so it’s harder to define.”

Stress and anxiety are not uncommon for TCKs,  as they are repeatedly forced to leave communities with little time to process the move and then expected to extend the emotional energy necessary to build new relationships.

THE CHALLENGES THAT CAN BEGIN TO EMERGE AROUND LATE CHILDHOOD OR EARLY ADOLESCENCE INCLUDE:

Intense negative emotions: As TCKs move around, they lose contact with familiar people and places, which can lead to withdrawal, isolation or aggression.

Unresolved grief: Moving environments can make grief feel sudden and intense, External link  explains author and counselor Lois Bushong. Anger and depression can manifest if children do not feel adequately supported or feel misunderstood.

Difficulty forming attachments: TCKs might have trouble forming and maintaining long-term relationships. They also may struggle with feelings of belonging, External link  writes counselor Lisa Green.

Delayed adolescence: Many of Cottrell’s respondents felt out of sync with their age group. Some avoided settling down, getting married or having a career in favor of living a “prolonged adolescence” lifestyle, she said.

In an increasingly globalized world, counselors are in a position to better educate themselves on cross-cultural communication, multiculturalism and diversity in order to help people like TCKs, as described by Courtland C. Lee in the Professional Counseling Digest article “Elements of Culturally Competent Counseling” (PDF, 45 KB).  According to an ACA-sponsored paper on implications for professional counselors, it’s also important for counselors to be able to individually assess each TCK and their different experiences to pinpoint areas of transition that can lead to stressors. To best serve TCKs, OnlineCounselingPrograms.com compiled a list of tips for counselors.

Are you interested in pursuing a career counseling adolescents and teens? Learn more about how to become a child counselor and the requirements for getting licensed.

Exposing TCKs to information and resources on TCK life can build familiarity with what it means to be a TCK. This can help them feel less alone in what they’re going through and better understand why they may feel different.

Whether they are being told to “be a man,” “toughen up” or that “boys don’t cry,” young men are often on the receiving end of messages that create rigid rules around masculinity.

A study published in the Open Journal of Social Science Research (OJSSR) analyzing men and masculinity in modern society described masculinity  as “a set of stage directions, a ‘script’ men learn to perform” in order to gain entry into the world of men. However, the behaviors governed by traditional gender roles that many young men learn to perform can be harmful, such as suppressing their basic human need to express themselves emotionally.

To understand masculinity, it’s important to acknowledge gender norms. In a 2015 study “Measurement of Masculinity Ideologies: A Critical Review,”  the authors highlight the numerous instruments that psychologists use to measure masculinity ideologies. Each measures masculinity in a slightly different way. Developed by Robert Brannon and Samuel Juni, the Brannon Masculinity Scale (BMS) is among the tools used to measure attitudes about traditional American masculinity, examining the four themes related to what Americans think a man is supposed to be and how they should act.

According to the Brannon Masculinity Scale, men should:

THE BIG WHEEL

• Be the breadwinner and provide for their families.
• Aim to be admired and respected.

THE STURDY OAK

• Be tough, physically strong, and capable of handling pain.
• Be “male machines” — strong, confident, decisive workers.

NO SISSY STUFF

• Avoid femininity and engaging in feminine activities.
• Conceal their emotions and never show feelings.

GIVE ‘EM HELL

• Be courageous, aggressive, and forceful, capable of engaging in violence if necessary.

While there are aspects of these norms that aren’t necessarily negative and harmful, it’s the rigidity of the definition of masculinity that can become troubling and toxic. As the OJSSR study notes, men may construct their identity and derive self-worth from what they can contribute to social structures like family and career. In the process, they may lose some of their multidimensionality.

Thomas Haller, psychotherapist and author of Dissolving Toxic Masculinity, explained that this rigidity positions men to let only one part of their being out. Consequently, men aren’t embraced as full, complete human beings that are capable of being loving, gentle, and understanding.

“Toxic masculinity pigeonholes men into thinking there’s only one way to be,” Haller said. “You have to be strong, powerful, unrelenting, and never show emotions. But with that, we lose our variety and diversity as men.”

And society pushes that standard of masculinity on males at a young age.

“A lot of boys quickly learn to overconform to more rigid gender roles because it’s safe.”

“If boys express aspects of their gender experience that go against traditional gender expectations, they’re shamed and there’s a penalty for that,” said Matt Englar-Carlson,  professor of counseling and director of the Center for Boys and Men at California State University at Fullerton. “A lot of boys quickly learn to overconform to more rigid gender roles because it’s safe.”

Englar-Carlson is one of five authors of the American Psychological Association’s (APA) first-ever guidelines for psychological practice with boys and men (PDF, 32 KB). Although toxic masculinity itself is not explicitly defined in the APA guidelines, the research indicates that negative aspects of traditional masculinity mirror many of the traits examined in the BMS including:

Again, displaying any of these traits isn’t necessarily harmful. But the tendency to overconform comes at a price. According to the APA, men who engage in unhealthy levels of any of these traits are often more likely to experience:

“These aspects of male socialization essentially encourage men to act out against themselves and against other people, including accepting violence and intimidation or being overly competitive,” Englar-Carlson said. “Harmful phrases like ‘man up’ reinforce rigid expectations in terms of who boys are and it also excuses behavior.”

“If you want to effectively understand males, you have to understand shame,” Englar-Carlson said. “It’s not only how boys and men experience shame externally but also how internally they shame themselves.”

The gender role strain paradigm explores the psychological gaps men experience between grappling with who they are and the men they are “supposed” to be. The paradigm identifies three different strains:

The identity crisis that can accompany attempting to achieve the masculine ideal can have a host of negative mental and emotional effects. According to the APA, men may:

Englar-Carlson explained that, unlike girls and women, men who express emotions such as sadness or hurt, often find that those emotions are invalidated by others. One way they cope is by refraining from expressing themselves emotionally, which can make them feel worse. Another can include refusing to take ownership of their own emotions.

Haller pointed to the use of “make me” language — expressions such as, “you make me angry” or “you make me sad” — which shift blame onto other people or onto society at large. It enables harmful thinking where men lose autonomy and responsibility for their emotions, leaving them feeling powerless in how to respond.

It’s important for young men to understand that masculinity looks different for each individual. Counselors and school counselors can show boys how to reduce negative elements of masculinity in their lives by making it okay to verbalize emotions, empowering them to make healthier and less risky life choices, and celebrating masculinity for all the ways it does not disenfranchise them.

School counselors should pay specific attention to nurturing and supporting the mental health of boys and young men by being aware of the ways that gender norms have shaped their outlooks and behaviors. They can start by acknowledging that men, just like women, have gendered life experiences.

According to Englar-Carlson, the rules of society dictate that men have to censor what they express, which means that boys essentially have to convince themselves they aren’t really feeling what they’re feeling. This often leads to numbness and detachment.

“It’s up to counselors to create spaces that allow those emotions to come out without shaming them,” he said. “It’s about anticipating and being sensitive to the experiences of boys and men.”

To begin to tackle this issue, Englar-Carlson said counselors should first suspend their own judgment and stereotypes when working with boys and recognize their own gender role biases so that they don’t transfer them onto their clients.

Once they have grappled with their own stereotypes, they can engage their male clients in the following ways:

What does healthy masculinity look like? A Call to Men, an organization dedicated to preventing violence by promoting positive manhood, lays out a framework for healthy masculinity , which encourages men and boys to:

“We should rescript that narrative where boys are raised to know, ‘I am in charge of my own feelings,’” Haller said. “The world doesn’t make you anything. You make it yourself.”

If you’re interested in pursuing a career in school counseling, read more about how to become a school counselor and visit our list of Master’s in School Counseling online programs to find the right school for you.

According to the American Counseling Association, crisis counseling assists individuals with coping and support after a major crisis. Crisis counseling is brief and time-limited with specific goals for achieving stability, increasing an internal sense of empowerment and safety, and locating appropriate resources. Typically, this type of counseling can range from 15 minutes to 2 hours and is provided throughout 1-3 sessions. While it is not a substitute for long-term therapy or psychiatric care, crisis counseling can provide a safe outlet for immediate relief.

Crisis counselors often utilize psychological first aid, which focuses on reducing acute distress, restoring physical and mental stabilization, and integrates prosocial coping skills. Professionals trained in mental health first aid  assist with identifying and responding to signs of mental illness or substance use (i.e. someone experiencing a panic attack or experiencing suicidal ideation).

Crisis counseling can help in natural disasters, such as hurricanes, wildfires, or earthquakes. In 2017, for instance, the National Centers for Environmental Information estimated at least 15 major weather and climate disasters with losses exceeding over $1 billion each.

Hurricane Harvey caused 84 deaths and its flooding and damage affected approximately 200,000 homes and businesses. Hurricane Irma caused 95 deaths and significantly damaged up to 65% of buildings in the Florida Keys and U.S Virgin Islands.

Crisis counseling helped provide relief for those suffering from financial burdens, health consequences, and severe emotional distress or grief as a result of these weather disasters.

CBS news claims there were more mass shootings than days in 2019. As gun violence continues to surge, the destruction and carnage from these shootings also continue to rise. The aftermath of these mass shootings may be associated with feelings of anger, depression, psychosomatic symptoms, anxiety, depression, and preliminary symptoms of PTSD.

Fortunately, crisis counseling continues to provide a stable anchor for those in the wake of such violence.

More than 10 million men and women  are abused by their intimate partners each year. Resources, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline, provide confidential support, resources and referrals, and safety planning for victims in domestic violent relationships.

Crisis counseling may offer emotional support and resources to help individuals with creating effective safety plans should they choose to leave to their violent relationship.

Over 100 Americans die by suicide , making it the 10th leading cause of death in the US. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline  provides confidential crisis support for people across the US feeling actively suicidal or in severe emotional distress. A crisis counselor will explore the individual’s thoughts and feelings and refer to the appropriate resources if needed, such as calling the paramedics in acute situations.

In America, sexual assault occurs every 73 seconds . Sexual assault can evoke difficult reactions of anger, confusion, depression, or anxiety. Resources such as the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline , provide free and confidential support 24/7. These crisis counselors help with emotional processing and locating appropriate resources and referrals for recovery.

Crisis counselors can work in a variety of settings including:

Additionally, crisis counselors can also provide mobile services. In these cases, they directly work onsite near the location of a natural or human-caused disaster. When major disasters occur, many mental health therapists, social workers, and psychologists volunteer their time to provide crisis counseling services.

In the immediate aftermath of the Las Vegas Route 91 Harvest Festival shooting in October, 2017, several psychologists, marriage and family therapists, psychiatrists, and mental health clinics  offered free support groups and individual crisis counseling for victims and their loved ones. In Nevada, MGM Resorts International organized mobile crisis counseling  directly at one of their hotel properties. These services help victims, families, and other supporters receive appropriate emotional support for the initial feelings of shock, anger, and fear often associated with acute trauma.

Counselors are also encouraged to reach out to other colleagues, seek appropriate supervision or consultation, and receive their own personal therapy. Always consult your physician or other qualified professionals if you are experiencing mental health issues.

Last updated: April 2020